You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers.
I think that stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills
Only 2 things can change a woman’s mood: 1- I love you 2- 50% Discount
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated like shit had it coming.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
Religion is like a penis – it’s fine to have one and be proud of it, but when you take it out and wave it in my face, that’s when we have a problem.
Married Sexting: I’m not wearing any underwear because you never put the fucking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.
I never realized how much I swear until I’m in a situation where I can’t.
Sometimes I get road rage from standing in lines.