Only 2 things can change a woman’s mood: 1- I love you 2- 50% Discount
Married Sexting: I’m not wearing any underwear because you never put the fucking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
When a woman says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you – she’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Sometimes I look at my husband and I think “Damn you are one lucky man”
You call it “Nagging” – I call it “Listen to what I said the first time”.