My life is just a series of awkward and humiliated moments separated by snacks
Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
Some days I do yoga and don’t yell at my kids. Some days I scream at them while eating cake over the kitchen sink. It’s called balance.
FIT (ish): Semi-fit; Kinda fit; Someone who likes the idea of being fit but equally likes food.
Snaccident: Eating an entire pizza/bag of chips by mistake.
Dear vegetarians…if you’re trying to save the animals, why are you eating their food?