I don’t remember much from last night but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome
Today I’ll be cleaning. By cleaning, I mean drinking wine and spraying all my shit with Febreeze.
There should be a “Bring your favorite bottle of booze to work” day.
I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk. We go to parties.
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
I didn’t text you – Vodka did.
The officer said “You drinking?”. I said “You buying?”. We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
Life is not a fairy tale – if you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.