Some days I do yoga and don’t yell at my kids. Some days I scream at them while eating cake over the kitchen sink. It’s called balance.
I’m a woman. I have needs. Pass me the wine.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
When a woman says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you – she’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
You call it “Nagging” – I call it “Listen to what I said the first time”.
When I asked for a smokin’ hot body, menopause was NOT what I had in mind.
Whenever I check my weight I always subtract 5 pounds. I don’t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female
Bitch (noun) – Any girl who is prettier or skinnier than you.