Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies???
Only 2 things can change a woman’s mood: 1- I love you 2- 50% Discount
“Duck Faces really make you look smart and classy” said NO ONE EVER.
When someone posts a selfie, I always wonder how many pictures they took before they decided they had the perfect one.
Today’s Mood: Bitchy with a chance of sarcasm.
When I see rich, snooty looking women at the grocery store, I pretend I need something and say “excuse me, do you work here?” just to help keep things real.
Feeling good about yourself? Ask a kid to draw a picture of you.
Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.
Forgot to do yoga yesterday – that makes it 6 years in a row now.