A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
When a woman says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you – she’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
Sometimes I look at my husband and I think “Damn you are one lucky man”
Never trust a girl who doesn’t fart – who knows what else she’s hiding from you.
Fart when people hug you – it makes them feel strong
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female