Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated like shit had it coming.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
The best way to lie is to tell the truth…carefully edited truth.
Religion is like a penis – it’s fine to have one and be proud of it, but when you take it out and wave it in my face, that’s when we have a problem.
Today’s Mood: Bitchy with a chance of sarcasm.
Introverts Unite! (separately in your own homes).
Feeling good about yourself? Ask a kid to draw a picture of you.
Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.
Forgot to do yoga yesterday – that makes it 6 years in a row now.
I never realized how much I swear until I’m in a situation where I can’t.